Getting pregnant is not something you really would expect to
be difficult.
At least when we were married a year ago…I didn't think it
would be.
It seems that infertility is one of those things you are
aware of but never think it will affect you .
Although it isn't something I would have chosen, God is
allowing it to play a part in our story.
Now that kind of sounds glum...and although it does make me
sad some days…the point of this post is not to have a pity party thrown for me.
The point of this post is to take note of this season in our
life…
To show how God is revealing himself to me through this unexpected journey.
I believe God put this trial in our life for a reason.
There are few people that know of our struggle up until this
point…the few that I have chosen to tell.
I don't want it to be a secret anymore...It doesn't need to be.
A lot of couples struggle with this.
1 in 8 couples (or 12% of married women) have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. (2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC)
I want to share what we are going through in hopes that I
can offer some encouragement to someone who may need it and simply offer an
update on this aspect of our lives to anyone who may want to know.
When you are a newly married couple it seems that naturally the question of "when are you going to have kids?" is asked quite often.
If you have asked me that question recently...don't feel bad.
Just don't :]
It's alright.
Most days I am okay with where God has us right now.
I am not going to beat around the bush here…so for some this
may be a TMI post…this is your warning!
If you are new to TTC terms, I will have a link up above with definitions :]
I have always had irregular periods. When I was seventeen my
doctor recommended that I start taking birth control to help regulate them.
So that is exactly what I did…
From the age of 17 until I was 21 I took birth control
pills.
Everything was fine and dandy until August of 2013 when I
decided to go off of the pills.
Between august and November I had no periods whatsoever. All
the HPTs that I was taking were coming back negative. But I continued to take
them…about two weeks apart…each time showing only one pink line.
I had friends that
got pregnant right away…so I wondered why that would be out of the question for
us.
I read online that missing periods after going off BC was
very common (because your body is still getting used to trying to regulate
itself) but I decided to make an appointment with my doctor just to be on the
safe side.
In November I went to see her. I told her we were trying to
get pregnant…and obviously that doesn't work too well when I am not having normal cycles.
She wasn't much help…
She told me that I may have something called PCOS (keep in
mind that at the time I was 21 and this diagnosis was based on blood work done when I was 17). She told me that PCOS can affect a woman’s ability to get
pregnant, but she said that she didn't think that would be true in my case. She
then printed out a pamphlet, told me to read it, and sent me on my way telling
me to come back if AF still had not arrived within the next three months.
I was sad…and confused. I didn't know if I should be worried
about this halfhearted diagnosis…or just wait it out until February and see if
AF arrived in the meantime…
I decided to wait…still taking HPTs every month just to be
sure that I wasn't going to be one of those “I didn't know I was pregnant people” hah…yea right!
In February, I switched insurance, found a new doctor, and
made an appointment for the end of that month.
After completing an exam and some blood work of her own, she too had suspicions that I had PCOS.
She prescribed provera to induce a bleed…and told me that
she hoped that this would jump start my cycles.
I did have a bleed…but the month following…AF didn't show
again…so 40 days after that appointment I took another HPT as I had been
instructed…and wasn't surprised when there was only one lonely pink line again.
The following month the doctor sent me home with provera and
50mg of clomid. Twelve days later I had an ultrasound to see how my ovaries had reacted.
I went in thinking that I would get the results that day
right then and there as the ultrasound was being done. I however did not get
them until the week following the scan. This really upset me because I had read
enough to know that the follicles I saw on the big display screen that day were
not the size they should be but yet I wanted conformation. I was hoping that I
was wrong.
My doctor called the following week and told me that she was
referring me to an RE due to the fact that my symptoms and reaction to clomid
lined up with what is seen in women with PCOS. Most couples are not considered
infertile until they have been actively trying for a year, but since I 1.)was not
cycling like I should , 2.) had blood work that came back irregular, and 3.) had
other physical symptoms, we fell in to the category of "having fertility issues" much sooner thus enabling
us to see a specialist much sooner. I am so thankful for that.
Our first appointment with the RE was at the beginning of
July.
We sat down for our consultation and went through medical histories
and some of the possible treatment options and procedures.
A basic plan of action was laid out…and then we went to the
lab for some initial testing.
Everything came back A-Okay for Jake and I was diagnosed
with PCOS for the third time.
My RE then decided to start me on my second round of clomid (he believed I had actually ovulated on the first round of clomid) and made an
appointment for a follicle scan the following week.
The day of the scan I had two or three good sized follicles!
This was very encouraging. We were told to test 14 days later.
I tested 12 and 14 days later both ending with a BFN with
AF showing 5 days later.
Our second cycle with the specialist (third round of clomid) started on August 5th.
That morning I went in for a baseline ultrasound to make sure there were no
cysts on my ovaries (leftover from the previous cycle). I did have two, but
they were small enough that we didn't need to be concerned about them.
Monday August 17th my follicle scan showed two 16mm follicles which was very encouraging at first, but we later found out that
my lining was way too thin to support a pregnancy.
Thursday August 20th I had another ultrasound to
check my lining and follicles. Things were looking much better! I had three
follicles measuring 21, 22, and 23! My lining had grown quite a bit too! It wasn't great…but it was better than it had been in the past.
Two weeks later I took a HPT and again the test was one pink
line short.
After two unsuccessful clomid cycles with the RE, our
insurance requested that more testing be done before going any further.
That meant I was going to have to have the dreaded HSG test
done.
Friday September 12th was the day of my HSG test.
Our specialist was not able to do this test due to the location that insurance
allowed, so an OB-GYN picked by the specialist was the next best thing.
I decided to watch some review videos on the HSG the day before my test. Some girls said it was horrible…and others said it wasn't too
bad.
Not knowing what to expect, i got super anxious!
The next morning we arrived 45 minutes before my test was scheduled as we had been instructed.
Jake went
with me but ended up having to wait in the waiting room due to the fact that
the test involved exposure to radiation.
Once the procedure got going, it wasn't too bad.
Although it was painful, it only lasted a few short minutes.
The nurse from my RE’s office called later that afternoon to
let me know that everything came back great. She said they would be sending the
results over to our insurance provider in hopes that they will okay the next
cycle of treatment.
The communication between the OB-GYN and the RE’s office that
day was incredible! I could not have asked for better doctors! I feel so
blessed to have been referred to this team of professionals.
So what’s next?
As long as everything is cleared by insurance we will begin
our next cycle of clomid with an IUI mid October.
It’s a big waiting game if you haven’t got that yet :]
This journey thus far has been anything but fun.
It consumes
me…as much as I try avoid it.
It has taught me a lot about myself…my husband…and God.
A few things i have learned so far:
I know wayyyyyy more about my body than any high school
health class could ever teach…
I am learning to be more careful with other people’s
feelings…mine can be quite fragile at times…
I am learning that Nothing…I mean NOTHING can get my mind off
of “the baby thing”…it’s always there now…but life goes on…I know God is using
this time to grow us.
I am learning not to compare my life to the lives of others. Everyone has their struggles.
I am learning that my plans…are not always what the lord had
in mind. I need to remember this verse:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11
I am learning to love my husband more and more everyday. He is
soooo understanding…and loves me even when I have the bad days when i know I am acting like a crazy....or the days when i cry over things that should not bother me (the lovely side effects of clomid). I am learning to appreciate him in
ways I never have before…
Most of all I am learning to trust in the Lord. His timing
is perfect. He makes all things beautiful in time.
I know the Lord will provide.
Every cycle that I have worried
too much about…hoping that the baseline ultrasound is good enough to start the
next medicated round….or that the vacation we have had planned for months doesn't interfere with the next cycle…every time I hope there are a couple good sized
follicles…he has provided…maybe not in the way I had hoped…but he provided…he
always has…he always will.
